Learning from Workplace Goons
27 November 2017
These people ask me if they are being too kind, too generous, too forgiving, too trusting, too helpful, too retiring, too _______ (fill in your blank) for the good of their career? To the point where the Machiavellian types just take advantage of them?
My answer is always: “I doubt it”. That does not mean there are not things you can learn from your tougher, less compromising, more self-focused, less tolerant, and yes, more resilient colleagues, or things you can learn in order to be less impacted by them (and if you are dealing with a real jerk at work check out this little tip).
The bozos can in fact be your best teachers. The things to watch and learn from them are:
How they bounce back from setbacks
How they position themselves for success
How they stay focused on their goals
How they tactfully (or perhaps not so tactfully) remove themselves from unproductive endeavours
How they artfully reframe their failures into hero’s scars
How they inspire (or at least ask/demand) other people to do things for them
These are all just skills. Skills you can learn and still retain your kind, generous, helpful core.
In his great book Give and Take, Adam Grant shares results from his research into workplace behaviour that shows that the most generous people in the workplace do indeed come first. The ‘givers’, as he calls them are the most successful in terms of what they achieve and the status they have. They are the most successful only, and I stress only, if they give while keeping in mind, and not losing sight of, their own (personal and work) goals and responsibilities. They will not be successful if they sacrifice themselves for others. The successful givers, ‘Otherish Givers’ as Grant calls them, have the following characteristics:
They have specific goals they are working towards
They set boundaries around their giving (i.e. 5 minutes favours)
They are not slow to ask for help as they know others can’t always predict their needs
They find ways to ‘pay it forward’ and create benefit for their whole network
They model giving so that others can learn from their example
They often give by being an advocate for others
For a slightly different perspective and a fun look at the advice Machiavelli gives people for how to avoid coming last and how to learn from tyrants, watch this engaging video produced by the School of Life. Look at it through the lens of how you might be able to push, prod, and make yourself (rather than others) uncomfortable so you become more effective.
Finally, be careful not to hide behind your kind nature, using it as an excuse to not bring your boldest, most creative, most disruptive successful self to your work.
Admire the bx!@%rds and learn from them. As you do, you might just elicit in them curiosity to also learn from you.
As always wishing you a flourishing career.
Katherine